When an employee returns to work after pregnancy or baby loss, most managers want to do the right thing. But without guidance, good intentions can cause real harm.
I have spent 20 years in Professional Services and organisational development, led a Parents and Carers Network of over 250 members, and partnered with Tommy's charity on pregnancy and baby loss workplace guidance. I also have lived experience of baby loss. This combination of professional and personal insight is what I bring to the organisations I work with.
Here is what I would want every manager and HR professional to know.
There are phrases that feel kind but land badly. People say them because they do not know what else to say, and because silence feels worse. But for someone returning to work after loss, these words can cause real harm:
• "At least you can try again." This minimises the loss. The baby who was lost mattered. They were not a failed attempt.
• "Everything happens for a reason." There is no reason that makes pregnancy loss acceptable. This phrase shuts down grief by offering a platitude instead of presence.
• "You're young, there's plenty of time." This assumes that time heals or that future pregnancies undo the pain of this one. Neither is true.
• "I know how you feel." Unless you have experienced pregnancy loss yourself, you do not. And even if you have, your experience is not theirs.
What to say instead: "I'm glad you're back. There's no pressure to talk about anything unless you want to. I just want you to know I'm here." That is usually enough.
The return to work should be planned, not assumed. This means having a conversation before their first day back about what they need. Not a formal meeting. A genuine, private check-in.
The first day back is often the hardest. Everything is loaded with meaning. The commute. The building. The desk. The people who do not know what to say.
As a manager, your job is simple: be normal, be kind, and be available.
Check in briefly and privately.
The first week gets attention. Then life moves on and the assumption is that the employee has too.
Grief does not work like that. It comes in waves. Anniversaries, due dates, other people's pregnancy announcements, baby-related conversations in the break room. These can trigger intense emotional responses months or even years later.
Individual managers can do a lot. But the best support happens when the organisation as a whole has clear, compassionate structures in place.
I have created a free checklist called "What Good Looks Like" that helps HR and wellbeing teams sense-check their approach to pregnancy loss bereavement support. It covers four areas: policy and language, manager readiness, communication and awareness, and support beyond leave.
If your checklist highlights gaps, that is not a failure. It is a starting point. And it is something I can help with, through guidance creation, manager training, or consultancy on how to build support that lasts.
If you'd like the free "What Good Looks Like" checklist, or a call, please get in touch.
